Funny Fridays: Silly PG-13 Jokes

So being that it's Friday and the weekend is upon us, how about a little sexual fun to liven the mood? Came across some hilarious jokes that I wanted to share with you all! If you are under 18 please do not read or ask your parents for consent. Thanks bye. 

Four Types of Sex

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

While making love, he says:

- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one.

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts

Swedish Student 

At a local college, there was a dance.

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

Guys out there...please never use this pick up line.....

This guy was walking down the street and he bumped into a really hot girl.

"Hello, sexy!" He said while stopping in front of her "What's your name?"

She didn't answer.

"Well, my name is Barry"

"Okay" she said "Barry what?"

"I can't really pronounce it, so I'll write it down"

So he wrote it down.

She read allowed, "Madickenewe. Barry Madickinewe."

She slapped him and stormed off.

These kill me.... 

- Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom while  
  getting a rise.
- Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.
- Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.
- If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong!
- Sex is like vacation....it never lasts long enough.
- If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Thirsty Thursdays: 4th Saturdays DJ Cams at Manor West and Myndset at Noble

 

Where will I be this weekend? The usual, Manor West and Noble in SF. This Saturday is one of my favorite parties of the month: 4th Saturdays at Manor West hosted by Nick Macario and Matt Plank and featuring the amazing DJ Cams playing the most electrifying beats. I swear I think I get a better workout at this party than my regular days at the gym because there is so much energy and I dance my butt off until the lights turn on at 2, which means the party is over. Well at least there it is :) Also my favorite part of this night is the light sabers they bring out mid-way through the party that make it 10 times more fun. I mean who doesn't like waving a light up stick around while jumping around to the hottest tracks! Need more convincing ? Didn't think so :) See you there.

Link to the event ! https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=261638577213154


Friday, check out Noble featuring LA DJ Myndset who is going to be making his first appearance in SF!
He is one of my favorite up and coming artists and I am so pumped to see him live!


Check out this article on him! http://pulse.sfstation.com/2011/10/19/preview-myndset-noble/



Event Page : https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=262710667103365

Wear it Wednesdays: One Fedora, Multiple Vnecks per crew :)

For all you boys out there lacking in the fashion department or searching for what's "cool" to wear these days, I'll let you in on a little secret...only one fedora per crew! I am sure only my close group of guy friends understand what I mean by this, but trust me, all can learn from this piece of fashion advice. Let me explain why...

I would say about 6 months ago fedoras became pretty trendy thanks to celebs like Justin Timberlake and DJs the EC Twins who made these hats look pretty darn good! All of my guy friends starting wearing them out and it was the hot item to own, but this posed one small problem. For groups of guys, or at least my friends, it looked a little silly when more then one guy in their crew was wearing a fedora because as you know, "matching outfits and accessories" isn't the most popular thing with men. LOL... So to avoid this dilemma, they came up with the rule ONE FEDORA PER CREW! I remember being out one night to dinner with a bunch of friends one night and one of our guy friends was wearing a fedora. Well 10 minutes later, in walks another fedora friend and that's when things escalated. Haha just kidding. But seriously that rule applied and first to show up in the fedora wins!

Breaking all the rules!!!!!

Although there is only room for one fedora per crew, I approve of multiple V-necks among a group of guy friends. Every girl can appreciate a good deep V :) Often I think it becomes a competition for deepest V and it cracks me up and I love it! I think every guy should own a solid set of Vs because you can never go wrong with them. And it's completely acceptable to have multiple Vs per crew... Duh.

So boys remember those tips... girls pass the info along if you know any males needing help in the fashion department :)

Night everyone! Thank you to all who have been reading my blog and keeping up with it!

xoxoxo

Music Mondays: Myndset..Who is that DJ behind the Mask?

I am getting pretty pumped to see the up and coming DJ Myndset this friday at Noble. Many may not be familiar with his music, but let me tell you...you will soon. He is creating house and electro mixes that are out of this world! Ones I can't stop listening to while I'm working out, driving in my car, or even pre-partying with friends! He is always mixing the hottest tracks and his sets have so much energy, that it's hard not to want to jump around and dance. His set My Aim In Life is one of my favorites and I definitely recommend checking it out!

Myndset Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/myndsetmusic

His signature look is the helmet he wears djing...I still have yet to know who is under there but that is OK! I like some mystery! And hey, Deadmau5 kills it in his head....so I dig it!

 Soundlcloud link to his mix tapes http://soundcloud.com/myndset/sets/mixtapes/

Noble Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002060013256

Sunday Funday: Dog Blog and Marathons :)

Look at the new friend I met today on Chesnut Street. If you can't tell he is about 2 times the size of me! Oh wait, that's not very weird being that I'm barely 5 feet tall. LOL.

Below are dogs that make me giggle.

                                                      Are those panties from Victoria Secret?

Oompa Loompa doopity dog.

I'm hot :)

Opposites atract.

Enough about dogs..... and on to more important things. Today, two of my besties Jesica and Vanessa ran the Nike Women's Half Marathon today in San Francisco and I am so proud of them! And I love how my friends look good even after running 13 miles :) Congrats girls! More cowbell please!